We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
