Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
this beer tastes like vomit already
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
