well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
