My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
