i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
