My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
