I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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