her vagine was all disorganized.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
