I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
This toilet bowl is my home.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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