I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
