I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
