now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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