So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
