He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
