So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
