Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
