My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
