First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Randomize
