My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize