i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
