I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Randomize
