i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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