i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
