My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize