Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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