Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
