It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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