at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
