Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
