man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
