am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
