Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
