I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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