I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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