I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Edward fifth and chaser hands
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
