Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
