every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
