he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Randomize