did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize