I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
