I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
