I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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