Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
