I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
