just tell him i said nine months
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
sex in a hospital.. check
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
