Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
