kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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