I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
