this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
