the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
