it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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