he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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