Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Randomize
