i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
