bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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