Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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