I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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