Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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