I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
