U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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