yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
