idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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