i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
