Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
A bitchslap is in order.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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