Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I had to cum in my sink.
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