Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
