we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
