yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
