Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
