OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
