So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
