did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
