i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
