I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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