shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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