so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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