It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize