she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
