Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
